The Magic Words

One of our first apartments on Curryer St. came with free cable. It was the first time we got the Comedy Channel. Our routine was to watch the Evening at the Improv while we ate our sumptuous gourmet dinner (which was usually shake and baked leg quarters with tater tots and green peas.) What can I say? I didn't have mad cooking skills back then. We also ate a lot of Domino's pizza for breakfast as it was a job perk. Once a guy was doing a set on things he had learned from his marriage. He was offering tips to all the guys so that they wouldn't have to learn by making the mistakes he had made. You pretended like you were going to take notes. He talked about silly and mysterious things women do like put seashells in the bathroom or not let you use the fancy little guest soaps. Then he said that his biggest discovery was the magic words to get out of any bind. I don't know if you remember any of his other advice but I know you took those magic words to heart. Anytime I ask you something you don't really want to answer you say those magic words: "You're thin and beautiful." awww, daisy stomp, how can I stay made at you when you say things like that? Guess I should get you the sampler of lug nuts and spark plugs.

.....because you are soft.

Do you remember our first tradition as a newly married couple?

After reading scriptures and saying our family prayer we would prepare for a good night's sleep. I would position myself in your arms and snuggle close (until I would get too hot) and we would kiss goodnight. Just before drifting off to sleep one of us would whisper, "I love you because..." and then name something about the other and then they would reply, "and I love you because..." After the several months it got harder to come up things we hadn't already said but it was still fun to hear the occasional statement.

Some of my favorites were:

because I have a license to (amazing how much mileage you get out that marriage document!)
because you snort when something really funny makes you laugh
because you think you can kick my butt at Tetris but you can't and you never give up
because you're my beautiful princess
because you are kind to everyone even if you don't like them
because you said yes before I even asked
because you're my sun, my moon, and my stars

and some I said to you:

because you are always honest - but tactful if my outfit is really ugly (and I can't afford better)
because you never let go of my hand in the movies or when we are out walking in public or just staying in and watching TV
because you let me hold the remote control a lot (ok, so we only got 10 stations back then)
because you sat through all 12 hours of Anne of Green Gables and never sighed once
because you are nice to my family and let me invite my brothers to do things with us
because you kiss me tenderly on the forehead in an almost reverent or worshipful way
because you kiss me like in the movies with your hands on my face
because you kiss me even when I have morning breath
because you always open the car door for me and any other door

and once when I so tired I couldn't think and was so comfortably cradled in your arms I said:
"I love you because you are soft." Even now so many years later when we don't actively practice this tradition I like it when one of us randomly mumbles before drifting off to sleep "because you are soft."

Footsteps in the Snow

This winter has been so bitterly cold and has had several good storms. The heater in my car is out and I have decided not to fix it because who knows how much longer this poor car is going to last. My commute to work is only about 20 minutes so if I bundle up I can make it without becoming a popsicle. I am so grateful that we have a garage this year and that I don't have to scrap ice for 15 minutes before leaving in the morning. Upon arriving at the office, I usually fill a bottle with hot water from the cooler to warm my fingers enough to type. I remember having to stay late to make some class visits a few Thursdays ago when a big storm came through. It had dumped about 5 or so inches on the ground in the parking lot. From my office window I could see that my car was completely blanketed. I tried not to think about how hard I would have to work to scrape my windows with the car's defrosters not working very well or how long afterwards it would take to warm up again. When at last I had finished all my 'tasks' and class visits, I bundled up and prepared myself for an unpleasant task. I chided myself for wearing a skirt and heels as there was no way to avoid the snowy powder from getting into my shoes. I picked my way carefully across the parking lot following in the large deep footsteps of a previous passerby. These footsteps took me directly to my car door where to my astonishment they stopped. At first I thought I was standing at the wrong car door because there was no ice or snow on any of the windows. I thought it must belong to one of the students who just arrived for class, but then I saw through the window my messy backseat. A feeling of warmth like when one who has been chilled a long time drinks hot chocolate spred through me. I wanted to cry because someone who loved me thought of me and did such a kind thing. I don't know if you stopped on your way home or on your way to your bowling night, but I knew it was you and felt again how lucky I am to have you for my eternal companion. The warm memory of kind and thoughtful service will last through many months of winter.

You Listen

For the past couple of years I have been having the hardest struggles with my job. I dread it. I hate getting up in the morning and going into the office. I feel like I am literally chained to my desk and that no one truly appreciates what I am contributing. The inconsistency of my manager, having to play therapist for my coworkers, and the new "measurements" are taking a huge toll. I live for the weekends. I can't even begin to express my gratitude for your listening ear. You don't try to give me advise about switching jobs because we both understand why I am there and how much longer I have to serve this prison sentence. Thank you for allowing me to vent and show my true feelings. Thank you for giving me encouragement and hope. I'm sorry that nearly every evening conversation we've had in recent months has been about how much my job sucks. It makes me anxious, headachy and often neurotic and I thank you for putting up with me.

Creature Comforts

I love the tender way you treat our "girls." You are patient with them and give them one on one attention. You try not to play favorites and make sure that they each get lap time when you aren't using your laptop. It makes me giggle when you use love and logic tricks on them. You are so good to each of them even when they have been naughty. Thanks for being gentle in your scoldings, keeping their box clean, taking last minute walk-ins at the beauty parlor, and teaching them all about good stuff.

"If we were the kind of people who liked other people.."

...then this wouldn't be nearly as funny!

If I remember correctly. I think I made this remark after meeting a couple in our new neighborhood. I liked them. They seemed to have similar tastes and interests to us. I started to remark how 'if we were the kind of people who liked other people..' and you started laughing before I could finish that train of thought, which would have been, then 'the So&sos are people I would enjoy going out to dinner with on occasion.'

But perhaps there was some truth in what I said? How often have we met some pushy sales person or nosy neighborhood gossip that eventually hints at the same thing: 'Let's be friends so I can see the inside of your house' or '..so I can get more referrals from you' (in the case of the former.) If we had friends, we would certainly keep them from the likes of them!

Perhaps it should give me more than a mere moment's grief that I can't fill out one of those silly referral sheets for my work, a timeshare drawing, or a silly home party prize. I don't have any friends - well at least not any that need to be pestered by people like that. - Do unto others and all that.

Which brings me to my second point... why don't we have more friends? Are we dangerously emeshed like a certain coworker of mine and his codependant spouse (trapazoid lids, anyone?)Our only reliable companions are my brothers and their wives or an occasional coworker and spouse. Is there something wrong with this picture?

I like people. I enjoy watching them. I enjoy making fun of them. I even like that I have the ability to walk away from them when they are boring me. One thing that I like more than most people is my privacy. Our privacy. Sure I have friends, but I do not allow them to intrude on our personal life or our treasured time together. I like being a close knit couple who doesn't need to rely on anyone else for good conversation and fun.

How well you know me

Today as I was driving to work, I passed a bridal store with a new window display and that got me thinking about how well you know me. It surprises and delights me when you share such a keen insight into my psyche.

I remember when we had only been married a short time (maybe a year) and all of our friends were also getting married. We made the rounds to all their somewhat low budget and predictable receptions. We would politely sip the cliche 'red death' fruit punch with sherbert froth, choke down some stale party mints, hear the same lame wedding toasts, and carefully regift a few of the hideous orange towels and punch bowl sets that we'd been given. Why break with tradition?

You once remarked very astutely that I only wanted to go these receptions to see the brides' dresses. Something about how I needed to make sure that I was still the fairest of them all. It was pretty much true, except I also knew everyone else would continue to use TanTop Bakery for their wedding cakes and I have a weakness for their buttercream frosting.

I'm the luckiest girl in the galaxy!

Once I gave you a card but I can't remember the occasion. Maybe an anniversary or Valentine's day when we had only been married a few years. I believe you were gone away somewhere with your military duties... anyway, I remember giggling when I found this card. I knew that you would get a kick out of it.

It was a black and white close up of Han Solo and Princess Leia locked in a passionate embrace. A still shot from one of the best scenes in your favorite episode of Star Wars right before they discover they've parked the Millennial Falcon in some monster. Naturally, the romantic aspect of the card appealed to me. But it was the little cartoons thought bubbles over there heads that really did it. Hers read, "I'm the luckiest girl in the galaxy!" and his read, "She's the luckiest girl in the galaxy!"

Sometimes, I think that is what you're thinking when we're locking lips. That's all right, because most of the time that is what I'm thinking too.